Fun Read

Tired of conventional methods of cheating like steroids/borderline legal supplements? Try genetic modification!!!

Is Genetic Modification the future of Performance Enhancement? An investigative report.

As mentioned countless times by the fearless leader of this hard-hitting investigative journalism website, we are not fans of those who choose to go the illegal route to achieve bodily perfection. That being said, I think that we need to have a conversation on the contents of this video and genetic modification. Most can agree that steroids, HGH and all that other crap is not only cheating in the context of the advantages provided to an athletic competitor or serious fitness enthusiast, but also belays a certain level of insecurity the person is trying to mask through the use of scientific modifications.


Look I’m not a science bitch
genetic modification

butttttt this seems to good to be true. First off I’m curious to see what this scrawny nerd looks like now, because if I had to guess, he is looking more like this;

genetic modification

then the second coming of Arnold.

But for the sake of discussion I am willing to look past the fact that this is obviously bullshit to ask the question, if you were able to modify your genes would you waste time making yourself jacked? I mean dude, anyone with a solid work ethic and the basics of proper nutrition could achieve that, you should be thinking of real genetic modifications. So without further ado, heres a comprehensive, in no particular order, list of my top genetic modifications.

Grow Wings

Heres the part where I should make a bunch of jokes about how much flying sucks and airports and all that but honestly I wouldn’t even use the wings to fly to exotic places, I would just fly like down hallways and over aisles at target and shit. Walking sucks.

Extra Arms

Yes this isn’t as sexy as wings but think of the advantages. “hey can you lend me a hand?” ACTUALLY I CAN LEND YOU 3,4, even 5! You would be a stud wide receiver, amazing UFC fighter, you could be like General Grievous.

except not get your arms cut off in the first 3 seconds of the movie. The advantages are limitless.


I don’t actually see what advantages this really provides but it would be sick to win every hold your breath contest ever.

Be Vegeta

Self explanatory.

In conclusion, don’t settle for things you can accomplish naturally, dare to be different.

By Michael Moglia


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