Workout Crap

Meet CJ Cummings; The 16-Year-Old Man Beast

CJ Cummings; 16-Year-Old Weightlifting God

I went into this video thinking that I was going to have a host of fresh material I could use to make fun of a kid for your entertainment. But CJ Cummings has done the impossible, he has given me nothing to work with.

Here’s a little background on the kid. 16 years old. Strong as fuck. Going to the Olympics. Clean and Jerked (I will not use this opportunity to make fun of the name of that exercise, that’s just low hanging fruit and I refuse to stoop to that level) 185kg, approximately 407 pounds in a real measurement system, to set a Junior World Record. He weighs 69kgs (I didn’t convert it because 69 is a funny number).

Now that the long-winded biography is out of the way, I have a few observations and a little dating advice.

Behind every great athlete, is a fat white guy taking credit for everything. That guy truly encapsulates the coach stereotype and it is not surprising to see him exploit the talent of a superior athlete.

Now for some dating advice.

Ms. Bailey, I am sure you are a lovely girl but that face says it all. She knows what goes down in the Olympic Village.

Just take a look at the poor girls competition. I suggest popping a hole in the condom, oldest trick in the book.

This got off track. My bad.

By Michael Moglia


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